Halfway Update
It feels like I haven't written in so long even though it's only been a couple of weeks, just because of the intensity of life here, it seems like so much has happened in the past few weeks.
I'm now living in the caravan park in Gatton, a few minutes down the road from where I was previously. Most people moved from there as the rules were getting far too strict and we needed a better place to live.
I'm now living in the caravan park in Gatton, a few minutes down the road from where I was previously. Most people moved from there as the rules were getting far too strict and we needed a better place to live.
It's always a beautiful sunset
I've been much happier at the caravan park. The atmosphere is soo much nicer, with a big communal outdoor kitchen in the middle and everyone's cabins facing it. It means we can sit outside having a beer and chatting after work, which we couldn't dream of before.
It's taken me such a long time, but I do feel like I've finally settled into life in farm country. I've struggled so much with social anxiety, feeling like I don't belong here, and of course the farm work itself.
Anyone that knows me knows I'm such a sociable person, I feel I can usually fit into any new group I find myself in. But for some reason I've struggled with this one.
I wasn't sure if it was the people, the strange new environment, or the cold nature of Grantham, but I was just unhappy and felt very out of sorts. I'm always worrying that people don't like me and feeling like I'm going crazy.
From this, I've learnt some things about myself and had some good and juicy personal realizations.
First of all, the reason I've fit so easily into social groups previously has been because I've been somewhat of a chameleon, adapting what I'm like to slot into a social group. But I realized, for once, I'm finally not doing that anymore. I'm simply being myself. Authentically and unapologetically.
So of course not everyone is gonna like that, and that's completely fine!
I've also realised it's all my social anxiety. I can really feel like I'm going crazy sometimes, especially with farm work being so boring and all you have is your own thoughts.
But when I voice my concerns out loud to a friend, I can hear how silly they sound.
"She hates me" based on one slightly off look made towards me.
"No one likes me" because no one said hi to me ONE time I walked through the site.
And, even if these things were true, who cares!! Not everyone has to be my best friend, and if people don't like me then I don't even want to worry about them or associate with them.
Sticking with the gorgeous people who accept me for who I am
So I'm finally feeling a lot better about all these things. The anxious voice is still there, but I'm reasoning with it a little better now.
The other night when we all partyed I really felt the love, and after a few lovely chats with some of my good friends, as well as some people I never would have expected, I can feel the warmth I missed so much in Grantham.
Sweet and lovely Luiza and Jason
I've been much happier at the caravan park. The atmosphere is soo much nicer, with a big communal outdoor kitchen in the middle and everyone's cabins facing it. It means we can sit outside having a beer and chatting after work, which we couldn't dream of before.
It's taken me such a long time, but I do feel like I've finally settled into life in farm country. I've struggled so much with social anxiety, feeling like I don't belong here, and of course the farm work itself.
Anyone that knows me knows I'm such a sociable person, I feel I can usually fit into any new group I find myself in. But for some reason I've struggled with this one.
I wasn't sure if it was the people, the strange new environment, or the cold nature of Grantham, but I was just unhappy and felt very out of sorts. I'm always worrying that people don't like me and feeling like I'm going crazy.
From this, I've learnt some things about myself and had some good and juicy personal realizations.
First of all, the reason I've fit so easily into social groups previously has been because I've been somewhat of a chameleon, adapting what I'm like to slot into a social group. But I realized, for once, I'm finally not doing that anymore. I'm simply being myself. Authentically and unapologetically.
So of course not everyone is gonna like that, and that's completely fine!
I've also realised it's all my social anxiety. I can really feel like I'm going crazy sometimes, especially with farm work being so boring and all you have is your own thoughts.
But when I voice my concerns out loud to a friend, I can hear how silly they sound.
"She hates me" based on one slightly off look made towards me.
"No one likes me" because no one said hi to me ONE time I walked through the site.
And, even if these things were true, who cares!! Not everyone has to be my best friend, and if people don't like me then I don't even want to worry about them or associate with them.
So I'm finally feeling a lot better about all these things. The anxious voice is still there, but I'm reasoning with it a little better now.
The other night when we all partyed I really felt the love, and after a few lovely chats with some of my good friends, as well as some people I never would have expected, I can feel the warmth I missed so much in Grantham.
Jobs
As farm work tends to do, my job has been changed around at the drop of a hat the past couple of weeks. I had a steady job at a seedlings nursery, and suddenly that has been producing far less hours and days than I need.
So my friend Camilla and I started looking for a new job. We found something promising, and worked two days for a contractor in a packing shed for onions and then beetroot, which was easy (The days on onions were so smelly).
As farm work tends to do, my job has been changed around at the drop of a hat the past couple of weeks. I had a steady job at a seedlings nursery, and suddenly that has been producing far less hours and days than I need.
So my friend Camilla and I started looking for a new job. We found something promising, and worked two days for a contractor in a packing shed for onions and then beetroot, which was easy (The days on onions were so smelly).
But as it turns out, on that second day I hit my halfway mark! 44 days done, 44 days to go!
(I've since been told my mask was upside down in this picture lol)
But this job has since fallen through as it turns out it won't be as regular work as we were lead to believe. Plus, the contractor wanted to move me to the chicken farm, a plant where the baby chicks are hatched and moved through production. I'd have to sift through chicks on the conveyor belt and 'get rid' of the weak and runt ones.
I couldn't think of anything worse.
It's so sick to think that these living creatures would be handled in the same way we would handle a moldy onion, taken out from the rest of the group and thrown haphazardly into the waste bin. And that doesn't even consider what happens to the ones that get to live for a couple more weeks.
My reaction to this made me realise I need to go veggie. If I can't even think about a meat production plant, let alone work there for even a day, then I'm a hypocrite if I eat meat. So I'm now a full time vegetarian, fingers crossed I can stick to it!
But this job has since fallen through as it turns out it won't be as regular work as we were lead to believe. Plus, the contractor wanted to move me to the chicken farm, a plant where the baby chicks are hatched and moved through production. I'd have to sift through chicks on the conveyor belt and 'get rid' of the weak and runt ones.
I couldn't think of anything worse.
It's so sick to think that these living creatures would be handled in the same way we would handle a moldy onion, taken out from the rest of the group and thrown haphazardly into the waste bin. And that doesn't even consider what happens to the ones that get to live for a couple more weeks.
My reaction to this made me realise I need to go veggie. If I can't even think about a meat production plant, let alone work there for even a day, then I'm a hypocrite if I eat meat. So I'm now a full time vegetarian, fingers crossed I can stick to it!
I've been able to take the van out on my days off, which is a really nice outlet to let go of work.
One of my favourite places to take it is the dam, which has a picnic spot and gorgeous views.
I'm currently writing this from the van in the Sunshine Coast, where I've come just for the night as it's a public holiday weekend, so we've got a little bit more time.
My friends Luiza and Jason also have a van so we've come to the same place.
Last night we slept in a car park right by the beach. We opened up the van to hear the ocean and see a stunning big full moon, and drank wine in the van to candle light. We are so close to the beach that I could hear the ocean as I fell asleep.
Then waking up to the stunning view of the beach right outside my window.
In what other scenario can you do that for free?? Van life is the best.
I'm so grateful and blessed that I'm privileged enough to have the campervan now, so going away on the weekends makes farm life so much easier.
Getting a little taste of van life makes me so unbelievably excited for my trip before Christmas once I'm done with work.
Shepp x
Living the life, eh, Charlie?! I can remember going to Gatton and Toowoomba when I was little. Also remember going up to Wivenhoe Dam which also has fab views - although the ocean is always the best!
ReplyDeleteYour worries about fitting in etc are more common than you think! I can remember having the same feelings although it was when I was in my early teens (yes, that long ago! 😂) of course, back then anxiety wasn’t recognised as a ‘condition’ so my mum and dad just used to say to me, ‘just remember that you are a good person, be kind and honest with others and you’ll be ok’. It seemed to work. And that’s just what you are essentially doing. Well done. 🥰